In need of hope
My WS of 20 years told me 11/21/21 of his 4-month affair and then gut punched me with the whole truth that he had never been faithful in our entire marriage. He continued to TT me until January. I was faithful to him through multiple military deployments and supported him through fears of losing his current job when mass layoffs occurred during COVID. He returned to work after 10 months off, last June, and within weeks had an A with a co-worker. His job is 100% travel so it was very easy to keep me in the dark.
He ended the A on 11/21/21 and said he was sure the AP understood it was over and would not contact him again. We entered MC and IC to try to reconcile. Fast forward 3 months to Feb 2022 when she started texting. He blocked her but the messages flow into a blocked message folder that we can see. She is explicit in the messages and tells him how much she loves and misses him. I found the first messages in Feb as they came through his phone when he was asleep. He has since been forthcoming about when he gets new messages. He has not had contact with her and we have been working with our MC to determine if we continue to ignore her, change the phone number, or together, make a phone call to tell her she has to stop (he will do all the talking and I will sit quietly and listen only). I don't want to allow her into my marriage anymore than she has already inserted herself, but I want her to stop the contact and leave us alone so we can try to heal.
Each time she texts, it sets me back to the beginning of my recovery. I also lost my job in Feb 2022 and am trying to mourn that loss and feeling of inadequacy. I am broken and trying to hold it together for my kids. We have not shared any of this with family and I have only told a couple close friends so I am trying to endure this pain quietly and alone. We were making decent progress in that recovery until last week. I don't know if I can do it anymore but I am devastated that everything I worked so hard for has been ripped away from me. I would love to find someone who has been through this and reconciled but the only people I know are the ones who did not.
17 comments posted: Wednesday, March 30th, 2022