Death of my illusion

Tonight it hit me that the relationship I thought I had with my STBXH was an illusion. It was the relationship from my perspective- my dreams- my goals. It was never a shared reality with him.

He pretended to be what I wanted to ‘win’ me. Then after accumulating the wealth he wanted, he discarded me. He achieved his goals & got what he wanted out of the relationship, then moved on to the next thing.

Relationships always have two perceptions going on at the same time. When his affair came to light, I was in complete shock & despair. Now I feel a bit foolish for not realizing that his view of our relationship was nothing remotely close to mine.

Thankful to no longer be stuck in a lie- being deceived daily- being talked about to the OW in utter disrespect. I remember reading on this forum that step 1 was to get yourself out of infidelity. Over a year later, I’m thankful to be near the finish line of achieving my freedom.

Blessings to all the kind souls on this forum for encouraging me to value myself & to not accept the unacceptable.

5 comments posted: Thursday, October 13th, 2022

Help. How did you survive this?

Has anyone else had the experience of family traditions each year (ski trip, vacation home, etc.) where the WH continues doing those things with your children, but you are cut out?

I am in a no fault state. There is a large income difference. Nothing will change with his lifestyle, but mine will significantly change. My girls will go on living that life with him & likely the OW.

How do I survive this? Is there anything that can make this better? I do not want to miss out on the experiences & memories with my girls, but he gets to decide this for me. It is so painful.

25 comments posted: Saturday, March 5th, 2022

Over 5 months since DDay & I still feel devastated

When am I going to feel better? Over 5 months from DDay. I sobbed in my closet for two hours before I went to bed last night. WH is completely unaffected. No remorse was ever shown to me.

I am heartbroken.

WH also heartless with the court proceedings. It’s all another game for him to win.

I am tired of crying. I am tired of being a drain on all my friends & family. How do I snap out of this & when will I feel like myself again?

0 comment posted: Friday, February 25th, 2022