New relationships and old pains

Ok here we go. I am BS about 6.5 months out from D-day. I have been in NC with my xWF for 5 months since we said our goodbyes. Overall I felt I'm feeling like I'm making decent progress on the road to surviving infidelity (hah). So I've tried to test the waters of being out there again and have found someone who I get along with well and are mutually into each other. Now what I did not expect are some old pains resurfacing recently. I've done a lot of introspection and one pain point is fearing betrayal as a BS. I've lost 6+ years to betrayal so I'm a bit scared. Now I know logically I absolutely cannot bring this into a new relationship, and should not punish this person for something another person did. But the fear is not rational, and so it's hard for me to rationalize it away through logic. It simply attacks and leaves a trail of destruction in its wake. I have noticed some signs of insecurities that I normally would not have such as asking more questions about the future, being afraid of rebounding, being afraid of not affair-proofing my picker, etc. I'm afraid of this being a sign of me not being ready yet to dip back into dating, and don't want to hurt an innocent soul. But at the same time I feel all BSes would have similar fears so it might not be anything in particular.

I've explained my situation to her and she seems sympathetic to my pains. I understand to some this can be a dealbreaker so if that's what it is then I accept that. It's more the uncertainty that I'm not sure I should push through or take as sign to back off. Anyone have similar experiences or insights? Thank you very much from the new me.

4 comments posted: Saturday, April 2nd, 2022