Another D-Day : Need distraction desperately

Another D-Day today. Don't feel like describing it , not as damaging as any of the transgressions earlier. However, I'm devastated and in tears most of the time. I have an important interview on 2nd March and I need to start preparing for that but I can't focus at all. I need this job desperately in order to move out. Any tips to put this nonsense aside and focus on my preparation would be most welcome. I have a therapist but of course she can't be available 24x7. So I.m high and dry till Monday. Please help with any suggestions/techniques. Please ...

0 comment posted: Friday, February 25th, 2022

Another D-Day --- Desperately need distraction

Had a D-day of sorts. Don't feel upto describing it. Suffice it to say that I'm devastated again and I don't even know why. I just feel like crying all the time and can't concentrate. I have a very critical job interview on the 2nd of March and I need to put in some serious preparation but just can't seem to get started. Can you all please suggest some activities/techniques by which I can push this sh*t out of my mind and get down to preparing for my interview with full concentration.I'm unemployed and I need this job to proceed with the separation/D. Help please..... I have a therapist but obviously I can't have her on call 24x7. Also, she doesn't work weekends.

0 comment posted: Friday, February 25th, 2022

1 year from DDay. Still in limbo

Not sure which forum this goes into. Not 'freshly found out', definitely not R, not separated yet either.

Today is 1 year from latest DD. Kind of in limbo. I have a series of things eg. getting a job etc., to get done before striking out on my own. Moving slowly but getting there (hopefully... sometimes I think what am I doing --- all because of an EA ?? ... other times I think that there's no other way because H will just do it again. There's been no effort on H's part except to make an effort to be nice to me. He is just waiting for me to get over it.

We're both on vacation --- me solo for the first time ever, he with a friend. He asked me to go with him a couple of times. I refused. He seems to be having a great time though. Sending me pictures and texting me asking what I'm doing. So far I've ignored him except to send a smiley on one picture. Regretting the smiley now.

Seeing an IC from 3rd Sep. Living in some kind of a weird world where I'm normal on the outside but all conflicted, acutely miserable (and that's an understatement) on the inside.

Anyone in my shoes ? Everyone here seems so sure of which category they are in & what they're going to do

6 comments posted: Sunday, August 29th, 2021

Decided to separate - Some advice pls

H is a serial EA cheater and a liar. After much thought and help from the folks on SI, I've come to the conclusion that I need to separate (D will come later).

I'm taking the following steps :

1. I'm out of a job at present. Using H's connections to get a job.

2. Planning to move to another city with the job and purchase an apartment for myself

3. Unfortunately most of my friends happen to be through H and I don't see myself continuing with them as a support system post separation. My own college and best friends are scattered over the globe, so support can only be through calls.

4. Can't tell my parents. They're very old and will be very upset and I'm not willing to put them through this. They'll just know that I need to move to another city for a job. I'll tell my sister who is anyway my major support system

5. Don't want to tell my daughter. She is on treatment for depression over the last 10 years and is also starting a new job. Don't want to upset her. She'll also just know that I need to move to another city for a job. I'll figure out later how/what to tell her

6. I'll still need contact with H because of daughter but I'll minimize contact to only that.

7. I've never lived alone but I'm sure I'll manage. Quite a few of my friends do that

Pls let me know if any of you see any red flags in any of the above.

Also, any tips on emotional detachment (marriage of 27 years) would be very helpful as this is the part that I'm struggling with

Thanks for the support

BS : Me Age 54

WH : Age 57

25 comments posted: Sunday, July 18th, 2021