Where to start finding some hope

Married September 14, 1990
Dday March 6, 2021
Seperated March 6, 2021
Divorced September 16, 2021

Deep down I know things get better, but somedays I am so overwhelmed by what my next stop in life should be and by the fact exh has been living his next step since March that I cant see through the negative. I dont even know who I am to he honest. What were somethings that helped you move forward and find yourself.

7 comments posted: Sunday, October 10th, 2021

I cannot do this!!

Left the therapist, feeling like this weekend was mine. Went to put in gas, and STBX pulls in with his new love. When I left, I should have went to my apartment, but I had been on the way to the house to get some of my stuff and hoped I could grab it before they returned. I ended up having a complete mental break down seeing how they were playing house and couldn't drive, so when he returned he found me in complete hysterics. I even stabbed the meat on the counter so hard I bent a knife. Now I'm home wishing it was monday not knowing how I'm getting through this lonely weekend.

4 comments posted: Friday, August 13th, 2021

Why is his bday so hard for me??

So I should probably get some 2x4s across the head! It's WH bday....I looked at his Facebook bday posts, saw them all and got really sad. 90+ people wish him happy and they have no idea what a piece of crap he is. I just wish they all knew!!!

3 comments posted: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Divorce date

I have a divorce date of Sept.16, two days after our 31st wedding anniversary and 6 months, 10 days after DDay!  I know it's for the best, but I am pissed AH shows nothing still.  Of course I fell back to my darn co-dependent ways..crying arguing....I really need to get back to working my 12 step program and get working on  step 4 to heal myself and change my reaction.

4 comments posted: Monday, July 26th, 2021

Burn/throw away stuff

Did anyone just take things and burn them as a form of release??? I'm not talking major valuables, just thing that may have a meaning to you. Example.. when we got married, his Grandma bought this set of walnut candle holders and a holder of some kind sitting in the house. I think it would burn nicely? Or is that just crazy thoughts?

9 comments posted: Saturday, July 17th, 2021

You all were right....

So I though this process was going to be smooth and easy. I am not sure if I have lost it and have become overdramatic or if I am just at the point where I have realized I can't deal with anymore bull.

He's on girlfriend #2. Yes I know it shouldn't matter, but he is so in love he left the dogs alone for over 15 hours to go spend the night with her while I was out of town and she joined him in our hometown this past weekend for a special occasion to honor the memory of his dad. Keep in mind, its only been 7 months since his dad has passed and 4 months since we seperated, we haven't even told some of our family yet we are divorcing!!

So yes you were all right, I was stupid and I am so filled with rage and hate I could explode!!

4 comments posted: Monday, July 12th, 2021

Daughter knows more than she is telling me.

Just found out my daughter has still been lying about WH and his women. She even went to a concert with and told me she was a friend 8f hers, paid for with our joint account. I can't handle this betrayal too!!

5 comments posted: Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Ruined my past two days by snooping!!

I looked at phone records again!!!! Found a new phone number...

Logical brain: why you looking..it doesn't matter? How pathetic he can't be alone for a few months!"

Illogical brain: "who is this one? Is it still her? It's only been 4 months since we separated, but how long has this been going on!!!! Why can someone else get all this attention while I am left feeling unworthy?"

4 comments posted: Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Pain as im moving out.

I just have to get something off my chest and this seems the best way to do it. I am moving in to my apartment today and I am excited yet filled with so much pain. The hardest part I think is how little I obtained for myself personally over the past 30 years. There is a garage and room filled with things that one could say are just his personal items, yet my personal things aren't even 2 car loads! How codepenant was I that his needs and wants were always put before mine? Thanks for listening.

4 comments posted: Saturday, June 19th, 2021