Me: BW (44)Him: WH (44)
D-Day 1 - 11/3/18 (7 weeks after giving birth!) D-Day 2 - 3/3/24
2 young kids, 8 & 6
Married in 2001 and affairs started in 2003. Multiple affairs
Divorcing
When kids ask why
My soon to be ex and I finally told the kids (6 & 8) that we are divorcing and dad would be living in a different house.
It wasn't as bad as I had feared, but my 8 yr old keeps asking why we are doing this.
I've explained:
That it's a grown-up situation and it's nothing she caused or can change
That it will make me a better mom and dad a better dad
That in the long run she'll come to understand more that this is for the best
That we didn't plan for this to happen, but sometimes adults make decisions that can change who they are, and it just stopped being the right thing for us to be married
Does anyone have any advice on how to answer the repeated 'why' question (appropriate for an 8 year old) Or, if any of the things I've tried metioning are good answers or if I should stop using any of them.
Thanks in advance.
5 comments posted: Friday, November 29th, 2024
Divorce underway, but he's still technically cheating and it hurts
My divorce papers are filed and will be finalized after the new year. WH is still living at my house in the guest room until he can get his own place, which should be the end of this month.
We aren't telling the kids about the divotce until he's moving out so they don't get confused. Legally we are still married.
All that being said, his dumb ass sent me a text tonight obviously meant for another woman. All 3 times I've caught him, it's been though his phone. You'd think he would learn...
I know we're not living as a married couple amymore, but dang, it still hurts to know he's at it again. Can he not just wait until he moves out?
I guess I should just condider it further confirmation that divorce was the right choice.
I really don't want to be married to him anymore and I know I'll be better off not carrying the burden of trying to hold a marriage together all by myself, but why does it still have to hurt so much?
6 comments posted: Tuesday, November 5th, 2024
He cheated, and I'll get screwed in the divorce
This is so unfair and I just need to vent.
I've always earned more $, but he was never a stay home dad. I have basically covered all living expenses for the majority of our marriage. He spent his paychecks on himself despite repeatedly telling him he needed to contribute more (or anything, really)
Now that we're divorcing he wants 50% of everything, which he'll likely get since we're a community property state, but tonight he brought up that I'll also need to pay him child support and spousal maintenance! WTF?? He makes $70k! I plan on keeping the house and buying him out. If he can't figure out how to live on his salary plus whatever he gets for the house payout, he's even more of a man-child than I thought.
I already pay for everything for the kids, how could he possibly think I would pay him child support? He wants 50/50 custody, it's not like they will be staying with him full time.
He says he's doing this all for the kids, but doesn't have an answer for how half of MY 401k will benefit the kids.
My plan is for mediation to keep the attorney costs lower, but I don't have an appt until next week. I'm just freaking out at the thought of paying a serial cheater alimony!!
My biggest fear is that we'll end up in court and a judge will force me to sell the house. I just want stability for my kids. Moving them out of the only home they've known, away from friends or to a different school it's NOT what is best for them. He's just looking out for himself, as usual.
I'm so frustrated!!
9 comments posted: Saturday, July 13th, 2024
