Eight years later
Christmas is forever tainted. This, my eighth holiday since D day and 5 years divorced. I am so far making a go with minimal triggering. The first since, where I have not burst into tears at some point. The first where I, maybe, (I'm here writing),don't dwell in the trauma. My sons, early twenties, live with me still. They went to their mothers for Christmas eve. I almost broke ,alone at home, booze waiting in my truck , rage tingling just under my facade. I managed to abstain from losing myself.
So. Today with family ,our 94 yr old mother gone now too, I will glean some little joy, yet the relief of it being over can't come soon enough.
Life is what it is now. Idealistic delusions ripped away. The wounds throb with contempt, at times. But I will never surrender.
Fuck it all.
Peace to all.
Happy New Years be damned.
3 comments posted: Monday, December 25th, 2023
