Newest Member: Hurtandbeyond


Me: BS, 30s. One son. Many D-Days for excessive porn, Craigslist ads, and EAs/PAs. Happily divorced since September 2015.

DS and a two-week road trip...W W Y D?

Hello all! I don’t know if many remember me but I used to post obnoxiously often quite some time ago. Thankfully, life has been fairly monotonous lately so I haven’t had much of a need to post…until now.

General update: still single, not remotely interested in dating, and my health is as normal as it’s ever been after dealing with breast cancer last year. Same condo for over two years, same job for 15 years now, and working at home due to COVID. DS is perfect. He’s 10 now, in the 5th grade, and makes me feel oh so old…. He’s traded train and dinosaur toys for Legos, drums, and a newfound love of archery. And, as always, he’s at the heart of my post. His father is still Asshat. I don’t see his name or behaviors ever changing.

Brief story-telling time needed to get to the current issue: Asshat has three brothers and one of them died in a car accident this past spring. He was only 35 and he left behind one son, just eight months younger than DS. The son’s mother has never been involved so the son now lives with Asshat’s mother. Asshat’s mother…who spent a few years in prison for sexually abusing Asshat between the ages of 11-13. How she is allowed to raise her grandson is beyond me…. Asshat’s brother apparently promised he would take his son to Yellowstone someday. Asshat’s mother wants to take the son next summer and Asshat wants to take his family, including DS. They would be gone for two weeks.

My issue: they will all be traveling and sleeping in a camper together. Asshat, his girlfriend (they’ve never married, don’t know if they’re still engaged), her son, their two kids, DS, the pedophilic mother and the nephew. I can’t begin to express how uncomfortable that makes me and how much anxiety it causes to know my son will be even sleeping in the same place as his “grandmother”. The only semi-related stipulation within the divorce decree on this is that Asshat will not leave DS unsupervised with any sex offenders in his family, which, unfortunately, there are quite a few of them.

DS is 10. He has a phone to be able to reach me. We've had so many of the necessary talks. But my mom brain won’t ease up. Back when I was with Asshat, everyone swept his mother’s abuse under the rug, blamed it on her drinking, and said she was rehabilitated. Asshat had this same attitude and his brothers often used her for childcare. They could say what they wanted, they could rug sweep all they wanted, but I never, ever left DS with her for even a second. I was abused growing up so I obviously know what that does to a person and I wasn’t about to put my son at risk. With everyone’s attitudes the way they are, I can completely see Asshat telling me one thing but then letting his mother watch all the kids some night so he and his girlfriend could do something on their own. Obviously I’m experienced with his history of saying one thing and doing another.

What would you do? Would you let your child go?

I’ll admit I still wouldn’t be entirely comfortable with the two week trip if Asshat’s mother weren’t going but I recognize that as just being a mom who hasn’t been away from her son for that long of a time. That’s on me and wouldn’t be any reason I would keep DS from going. As a side note, DS doesn’t even want to go. Asshat and his girlfriend use her older son and DS to help with the two little ones constantly and DS just sees the trip as more work for him since they would be on the road. That said though, he is part of their family, it’s a family trip, they want to include him, and he hasn’t been to Yellowstone yet....sigh.....

Thoughts? Thanks, everyone.

35 comments posted: Saturday, October 10th, 2020

V A R Recommendations?

In light of issues with DS, it's been recommended here that I send a VAR with him when he goes to Asshat's. I don't know the first thing about VARs except for the brief overview I just had a The problem I have is I would have to turn it on and put it in DS's backpack so it would be on and likely recording all day so it may not have any space left when DS would get to this dad's. I would also need something small enough to hide in a stuffed animal or sew into DS's backpack. With those factors in mind, any VARs that can be recommended?

Thank you!

5 comments posted: Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

I'm just not mature enough...

Oh, how I wish I could post a picture. Eating baby carrots this morning and one is distinctly shaped like male genitalia. I'm 33 years old and I still could not look at it without seeing it as that shape and giggling. I'm not the only person who sees it like that because my desk has had a lot of traffic this morning that included pointing and giggling. Poor carrot.... Anyone else ever run across food with odd shapes?

2 comments posted: Monday, September 14th, 2015

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