BS: Me WS: Her M: 26 Years
Daughter: 24 DDays: 1996, 8/2006, 5/2016
1st: Online, 2nd: EA/PA, 3rd: She got shot down
Divorced 3/22

Dog after Divorce

I'm honestly surprised that I haven't seen anything about this on this site. It's like doggie custody. :) My XWW and I divorced March 1st. She went to an apartment in January of this year during the separation. My kid, I had move out around June after months of warning because they would not contribute to the house any more - they are 24 and would not hold down a job, get a license, help maintain the house, etc. It was painful but I had to ask them to leave. They ended up moving in with their XWW where they are doing the same thing - no contribution, no prospects, their goal is to literally live off government assistance. But that is a story for another thread.

We owned a dog together, but it was technically hers; picked it out from the shelter, named it, etc. The dog has stayed with me, mostly because she can't afford to keep it in her apartment since it would increase rent.

She has asked to come over and visit the dog a few times, and I allowed her to do it. Come in the house, pet and love on the dog, take it for a walk, and sometimes we would talk as well. We have had an amicable divorce, no real ill will. I'm still very emotional about it.

I have taken care of the dog in the meantime - I love the little guy. He had some back issues in April and I took care of it and it was not cheap, stuff like that. Costs of owning an animal.

This week she said she would like to come over and visit him again and I felt like it was starting to push it. I feel like I need to move on, and I feel like she's trying to get me to hold on. I told her that she can pick him up and take him to a park, back to her apartment, anything she wanted. But she wanted to come in the house. I kinda don't want that, mostly because I want to move on, and my friends and my therapist also are like - dude, she's manipulating you.

Texting yesterday:

"We wanted to come see the dog"

you can take him to a park for a walk or something

"So you don't want us to come visit in the house? We wouldn't stay long."

I think it would be better if you took him someplace.

"You know what, never mind."

Just now:

"I don't understand what happened yesterday. I just wanted to see the dog."

And I didn't keep you from seeing him

"But you kept us from going in the house and that's what I don't understand."

And I haven't answered.

Am I being unnecessarily cruel?

12 comments posted: Monday, August 22nd, 2022

Filing tomorrow - so... how do I tell my spouse?

So I am turning in financials tomorrow with my lawyer and I assume I will be approving and signing the divorce decree.

Now I *was* going to let the divorce decree get delivered to her as her official announcement from me, but my therapist felt that was a bad idea and I agree with her. Someone might find out early and tell her or she'd find out from the local newspaper, I have to get over any anxiety, and while she lowered the boom on me with multiple affairs out of the blue: I AM NOT THAT PERSON.

So... how do you tell your spouse? I want to stay in the house. I also want to keep the house. But if she wants to cohabitate, I'd be *ok* for a while but eventually one of us needs to go.

My therapist and I were going to work on this, but we ran out of time, but when she started it was firm, short, and basically: if there's anything to discuss it needs to be with a lawyer, and that she needs to get a lawyer. And that I really don't want to talk about anything else until we are with mediators or a lawyer. That's it. Over and over. Be firm and be emotionless.

I mean, is that it? Again, I'm going to talk to my lawyer tomorrow and strategize and we might come up with some of the same ideas. But if not: what is the best way of handling this.

I feel like I need a script to study because I have a tendency to talk down different paths.

49 comments posted: Monday, November 22nd, 2021

Trying to understand Divorce and Alimony

I haven't talked to an attorney yet but I've been doing some research here.

Let me get this straight. I live in West Virginia, and adultery can only be used as a basis for divorce proceedings if it was within three years of filing, and adultery is defined as sexual intercourse:

§48-5-301. When a divorce not to be granted.
No divorce for adultery shall be granted on the uncorroborated testimony of a prostitute, or a particeps criminis, or when it appears that the parties voluntarily cohabited after the knowledge of the adultery, or that it occurred more than three years before the institution of the action; nor shall a divorce be granted for any cause when it appears that the offense charged has been condoned, or was committed by the procurement or connivance of the plaintiff, or that the plaintiff has, within three years before the institution of action, been guilty of adultery not condoned, but such exception shall not be applicable to causes of action brought pursuant to sections 5-201 and 5-202 of this chapter. The defense of collusion shall not be pleaded as a bar to a divorce.

Also:

§48-5-204. Grounds for divorce; adultery.
A divorce may be ordered for adultery. Adultery is the voluntary sexual intercourse of a married man or woman with a person other than the offender's wife or husband. The burden is on the party seeking the divorce to prove the alleged adultery by clear and convincing evidence.

Basically since the last affair was 5 years ago, I cannot use any infidelity as a basis of a divorce? Also since WV defines adultery as sexual intercourse - I can't use an of the EA/PA's as a basis. Furthermore, since I don't have physical proof of the first two, but copies of texts of the third affair, I might not even be able to submit this as reason for divorce anyway, therefore I'm looking at an irreconcilable differences divorce.

Since we have been married for 25 years it would be likely that I would be responsible for alimony for the rest of her life. Our income is so lopsided that I'd be paying $2100 a month for the rest of her life.

IS THAT SERIOUSLY HOW THIS WORKS?

16 comments posted: Tuesday, October 19th, 2021