Newest Member: KstinTX

hurtbs

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

The Movers come Tuesday to take his things (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

Transcranial magnetic stimulation for depression?

I'm trying to help a family member who has serious, chronic depression and anxiety. They have been in therapy for years, but they are incredibly medication averse. I learned about a treatment call transcranial magnetic stimulation. The details look very promising. However, they do required "failed" medication trials. Has anyone used this or know someone who has? Results?

3 comments posted: Thursday, December 8th, 2022

xwbf's landlord?

Edit: I'm putting this up here because I know that many people don't read through all of the threads. I have said in this post and subsequent ones that yes, I'm willing to get a roommate (even though I'm not excited about it).

Right now, I'm leaning towards this being a terrible idea and just a way to continue contact (and pain shopping). I bought a place for me and xWBF a year ago and spent a LOT of money renovating it. The place is comfortably affordable on two incomes, incredibly uncomfortable on one. As in, I'm gonna be on a really rigid budget and house poor. I've been looking at options to get a roommate. I'm not thrilled about it, but it is what it is.

xWBF and I are in an in-house separation. He has told me her will give me a year's worth of his share of the "rent" next year, but can't do it all at once. I'll take whatever he gives me, but I'm also preparing for it to not appear (guilt wanes quickly with wayward). Last night, he proposed that he rent the place from me for a year and that I rent another place that is less expensive wherever I want (he knows I don't like the area where we live, but compromised on it so that he could have the space for his business). This would also allow him to easily keep the dog we have.

I told him I would think about it. While it sounds good on paper, I'm leaning towards "no" for a couple of reasons:

* I don't think I have the emotional capacity to find a place and move right now.

* I think that having a "landlord" relationship with him will just be too painful; that we need a clean break.

For those who ask "why not just rent the thing out entirely and go elsewhere" it's not quite that simple. We've only been in the place a year. Market rent for my place is *about* the same as the monthly costs (mortgage + insurance + maintenance). I also live in a place with very strong tenant laws. So if I get a tenant who stops paying or disappears in the middle of the night, I cannot (right now) afford the eviction or carrying the whole costs for several months.

Any input is appreciated.

15 comments posted: Thursday, December 1st, 2022

Coming to terms with not having them in your life anymore

We began in house separation while he looks for a new place to live. I stayed at a friend's house this week - giving us both some physical separation. The hardest part for me is coming to terms with not having him in my life anymore. He was my go to person to celebrate and mourn; now I'm mourning us - alone. It's so hard. I have friends and family to support me, but it's not the same.

3 comments posted: Saturday, November 26th, 2022

Getting beyond the awkward phase

I'm curious if others have gone through an awkward phase with your WS or BS where everything felt.... awkward. Everything feels hard and distant. You're not hostile, it's just... I feel like I'm 15 years old and trying to talk to a boy I like... who also doesn't know how to talk to girls.

If you went through this phase, how did you get through it?

2 comments posted: Sunday, October 16th, 2022

Rheumatoid Arthritis

I had covid a couple of months ago and thought that it caused a gout flare. I've never had gout but have some genetic predisposition (it's why I have kidney stones). After not being able to get it under control, Rheumatologist I saw took me off of all meds for two weeks and ran a slew of blood panels. I just got the results (I see doctor next week) and it looks like I actually have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I've never had RA before and I'm otherwise quite healthy. The pain is quite bad and it's in my big toe (hence why everyone initially thought it was gout). It does look like there is a correlative relationship between Covid-19 infection and developing RA (but no causative relationship yet established). So... great.

As I wait to see my doctor for the follow up, I'm curious about others and your experience with RA. Treatmeents? Side Effects? The worst part for me is before this, I was very active. I exercise regularly, and focus on weight training. Since it's my foot, exercise has been difficult. I can't take long walks and weight training while on my feet is not always feasible (so no squats, dead lifts, etc.). Are treatments effective and can I get back to my usual routine?

4 comments posted: Friday, September 30th, 2022

Gottman Therapist for MC - Concerned about views on infidelity

We just started MC. Our therapist follows the Gottman method. I'm a little concerned because (from a quick google search) it seems that Gottman's theories tend to place the blame of an affair on the relationship. As in, if the relationship is going well, people don't cheat kind of thing...

I'm still getting a feel for this therapist. He didn't specifically say that. I'm just curious if others have worked with a therapist that uses Gottman method and what your experiences were.

Edit: Quick Edit, the therapist did *not* say that the relationship was to blame for the affair or suggest that I did something. He mentioned the Gottman method was something he leveraged. He also made a point to call out WS's depression and asked him what he was doing to make sure this doesn't happen again.

4 comments posted: Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Am I the only one who is done with relationships?

Big life relationship #2... WS #2. Common denominator - me.

I used to say while we were together that he was the last man I'd ever be with. Not just because I wanted to be with him forever, but because... I'm just done with it all. Pre DDay, our relationship was good. So it wasn't because of that. I just... don't want to go through it anymore.

I'm in my 40's, I don't have children, I have friends and family as well as a career I enjoy (usually).

I think this was my last go round.

Edit: I didn't mean this to be a downer post. Really, what I guess I'm saying, is that I view my new beginning as focusing on my friends, family, and career rather than pursuing another relationship.

23 comments posted: Sunday, September 18th, 2022

Can someone look something up for me on Instagram?

Thanks everyone! Found a solution!

2 comments posted: Sunday, September 4th, 2022

Long Term Partner Confessed to One Night Stand on Work Trip

I wish I could say this was my first trip to SI. This is now my second go around. The first time was with my ex-husband, he had an affair of a few weeks that I discovered. We tried to work it out but got divorced a few years later. Now I'm back.

I've been with my partner for 8+ years. He travels a lot for work. When he got home from this latest trip, he was acting oddly. He told me it was jetlag (which made sense as he traveled over 4 time zones in 12 days, working 12-14 hour days). Yesterday, he came out of the bedroom and told me (while he was shaking) that he really fucked up. I immediately knew and asked him if he cheated on me and he said yes. He told me he slept with one of his client's contacts (it's a big corporation, and this person is a rep) on the last night of the trip.

I am so overwhelmed right now. Honestly, I think he did it because his business is taking off for the first time and he wants to be unencumbered with responsibilities. Another part of me thinks he just really fucked up. I don't even know what I want.

Before this trip we were building a life together. I bought a home large enough to accommodate his home office (much larger than what I wanted) and renovated for his needs. We were talking about getting married (we are all but married, registered domestic partners and all of the paperwork). And now I feel like I just had the rug pulled out from under me.

And I resent him for telling me. He knows how much my ex's infidelity hurt me. If he wanted out, end our relationship. If you fucked up, deal with it on your own. Don't put this on me. Having gone through this before, I can't help but think about what is wrong with me. The common denominator, after all, is me. It's so fucking humiliating.

Yesterday, after he told me, I went for a bike ride, ran some errands, and cleaned the house. I have a date with a girlfriend today for brunch that I intend to keep. I have my annual well woman exam next week where I now get to ask for a full STI panel. I'm going to start doing the 180 to get me back to me.

God, I forgot how much this hurts.

6 comments posted: Sunday, September 4th, 2022

It's all about the U!!

8 laterals, 9 minutes of referee debate and the play is good!

Wait... no talking religion. Does college football count?

0 comment posted: Sunday, November 1st, 2015

The gosh darn cookies!

It's Girl Scout cookie season! You can order them online now!! Jerks!

So should I get 10 boxes or an even dozen... make that a baker's dozen...

7 comments posted: Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

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