keepinghope (original poster member #33313) posted at 1:25 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2024
Hello,
13 years after my affair, my BH brought it up. While I completely understand the hurt does not go away, I just do not know how to help him. Since DDay we've reconciled, gone to therapy, had a successful life and marriage, had a child, etc. He did have an EA about 6 years ago along with an addiction struggle that he is in recovery for.
When he brought it up he said he will never allow himself to love me or anyone like he did prior to DDay. He said he has had little to no happiness, but when he married me he said forever so he's committed to that. He does say he loves me and our child, but I just don't know how to support him through this. Maybe he should have divorced me all those years ago. I asked about therapy and he says no it does nothing. I'm pouring myself into communicating and supporting him, but also selfishly feel like why should I do all of this when he hasn't fully poured himself into loving me back. I'm open to any and all thoughts. I can handle it. Thank you.
Me: WW (36)
Him: BH (35)
DDay: August 31, 2011
RA DDay: January 29th, 2020
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 5:52 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2024
keepinghope:
you posted some time ago:
I feel like I have done everything I can, and given all I can give. Why should I keep trying, when he doesn't put in the effort?
Doesn't sound like he has improved. Rather go hunting than support a (to you) dear relative in hospital?
Ya, you said both selfish - well for sure the go-hunting is a very selfish move.
Then you posted he broadcast (my choice of word) your PA to all. Ask yourself how much good that did your marriage?
I suggest you visit a family lawyer and plan your life on a path that diverges from your hubby.
Others will be along to dissect "him" more and chastise you (some) for putting up with the man showing you little to no respect.
Don't stay "for the child." You are just teaching by example to accept being treated worse than trash. (again, my word choice)
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
