Very very interesting.
My W has had behavior similar to yours, Miserylikescompany, for 3 years now (intermittent).
It has affected me a lot (maladaptive anxiety, SSRI and anxiolytics).
I've been asking myself the same questions as you, from the other side.
-What is this; Limerence, Obsession, EA, narcissism, 50's crisis, revenge...? ...Or -Am I exaggerating,delirious-jealousy,hysteria?
I have asked family members, friends, psychologists, etc... answers of all kinds.
My W has always been very avoidant, not at all clear.
My conclusion is that she crossed the limits of commitment, broke trust, has been hiding/playing with/minimizing ideas, thoughts, feelings, fantasies, where our M and I are affected on the front line.
Now, I'm not sure, I have cards up my sleeve. We are estranged. It will never be the same. The only thing that keeps us in the M is our daughters.
PS we could define it benevolently as "Benching" or "Cockie Jarring"
[This message edited by Littlepuppet at 5:49 PM, Tuesday, November 7th]