SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have no idea who stxwh criminal lawyer is or if he even has a family lawyer yet.

I called a process server today and they even said in this situation it could be against the current conditions for me to use them to serve stxwh.

Just have to wait until tomorrow to make those calls.

Ummm i think he has to be served at work because it's in the same region. Where he's living is a different region. I wonder of that matters.

I knew there would be alot of paperwork but OMG.

I also have a date set for me to be in court to present my case. Apparently wh has his own date.

I understood your post to say that your lawyer wanted you to have your wh served that is why I gave you the information on ways to have him served.

It doesn't matter where he is served, my xh was living out of province when I had him served. It took 2 trys the first time he wouldn't admit who he was, so the next time they went in the middle of the night. They had a current photo of him, that was all it took.

The person that was assaulted in a domestic violence case cannot make the decision to have the charges dismissed.

If there is not enough evidence than the crown can dismiss the charges with conditions.

I think you have a lot of hope that our justice system will stand behind you and punish your wh, but our criminal justice system is very week. I have a coworker who's husband of less than 10 years threw a coffee cup at her, cut her hand needing 7 stitches. He received 30 hours community service and no criminal record, as long as he follows the rules. Our jails are overcrowded, at most your wh will get weekends. With children to support the courts won't want to jeopardize your wh employment.

Keep pushing forward with the divorce, keep focused on being free from the abuse.

The person that was assaulted in a domestic violence case cannot make the decision to have the charges dismissed.

Yes I am aware of this. Police charged him based on what I said while I was being recorded by dispatch. They made the choice to charge him because of the 0 tolerance policy. I had no say in thr matter but I was asked by thr crown how I felt about a peace bond.

If there is not enough evidence than the crown can dismiss the charges with conditions.

Obviously there was enough to have him charged but the crown told me that of it goes to trail, I have to prove "beyond a reasonable doubt" that he hurt me.

There's NO medical records. No photographs. I didn't go to the hospital. It's my word against his for that specific charge. The kids only witnessed one incident of assault and that's not what the charge was based on.

Stxwh can claim and probably will claim, that I made up the assault story because I was angry over him having an OC.

I wasn't angry. I already had a feeling there was a child from the phone call he had with AP while I was present, the money that was disappearing and the increase in abuse he put me through.

I. Was. Scared! And i still am.

I think you have a lot of hope that our justice system will stand behind you and punish your wh, but our criminal justice system is very week.

I gave up on having hope of any kind ages ago. I want wh held accountable for hurting me. If I agree to him just getting a peace bond how will that play out in family court?

Remember I am asking for supervised visitation right now and the judge, like my lawyer did, will ask why I didn't go to the police sooner, why I didn't give a full report sooner. The burden of proof is ON ME, not stxwh and unless the kids testify to what they saw and experienced, I have no way to prove wh assaulted me or hurt the kids.

I'm glad you have a good understanding of the courts, it certainly isn't fare that the crown picks and chooses which cases they think they will win. I'm sorry you have had to experience abuse, I hope that the courts make your stbxwh get both anger management classes as well as parenting courses. His immaturity shows that he needs them.

I have no experience with supervised visitation, I'm sure it will start off with short visits at a secure location.

I didn't have to worry about kids seeing their dad, they refused to have any contact. Still to this day they have nothing to do with him. That is his karma for the way he treated me and them. My xh was still ordered by the courts to pay child support even though his children refused to see him.

How old were your children that they could refuse to see their dad?

I've bene told mine are all old enough to have a say in thr matter. I know ds doesn't want to see him but dd will because she doesn't want to make him angry. The twins do as long as they get to come home to me (they said so).

I called the lawyer, his assistant said she woukd discuss havibg wh served when he got back to the office.

My children were over the age of 12.

My xh never fought to see them, the kids wouldn't see him if he didn't get counseling. It was an easy win for my lawyer.

He paid child support until the youngest was done college.

Ok that's good.

My twins are 9 but the older 2 are over 12.

I'm unsure if wh will fight to see the kids. He told dd he would call her and it's been a long time and he won't. He now keeps telling her to call him and she really doesn't want to. He will then say something like "I guess no call tonight".

As if it's up to the kids to initiate communication.

If he wanted to talk to them he would call!

I heard back from the lawyer. Having stxwh served by a process server isn't against the conditions, so I've left messages with a few process servers.

Twelve does seem to be a bit of a magical age where the courts start believing the child's voice. A relative of mine has been fighting for custody of his kid. The child had her own lawyer, and she wanted to move in with her dad. As soon as she turned 12, the courts finally listened. Right after their split, they had joint custody that had been working out fine for a few years. I'm not sure why the mother suddenly wanted full custody, and initially the court sided with her, and joint 50/50 custody that had been working fine got thrown out and suddenly her dad was only allowed visitation every other weekend. Now it's been completely flipped - he has full custody, which the child wanted, and her mom has visitation every other weekend.

I'm really hoping the court sees that stxwh needs anger management and whatever else they can make him do to be a safe father to these kids.

He puts on such a great show, plays the victim really well,so I'm really worried.

The fact is he has a temper that results in holes in walls and cupboard doors being ripped off. He's easily angered too.

I was told due to CAS involvement it might he best for the office of the children's lawyer be involved, which needs to be requested by the court.

Whatever happens I'm going to fight to make sure the kids are safe.

The fact is he has a temper that results in holes in walls and cupboard doors being ripped off. He's easily angered too.

Do you have pictures or videos to offer as proof of this behaviour to the lawyer/court? If you can still document it, do so!

Do you have pictures or videos to offer as proof of this behaviour to the lawyer/court? If you can still document it, do so!

I have photos and the kids witnessed him do it. I wasn't in the room when he kicked the hole in the wall but the kids were.

Getting him served will finally get the ball rolling for you.

Try to find someone who is willing to serve him, maybe one of your brothers or a friend, this will save you a few hundred dollars. Even if there wasn't a no contact order you cannot serve him. There is a form to be filled out by the person who served him, form can be found online. If you go with a professional company provide them with as much info on his work schedule and a current photo.

Your children know what their dad is, how he acts, the rotten things that he does, they have lived with him and witnessed it. The best thing you can do is listen and let them know you understand how they feel.

The hardest part is going to be not running the asshole down to them. With them being kids you don't want to give them the feeling that they are assholes to because they are half him.

They need to feel that they can grow and be great honest trustworthy human beings, and not assholes that hurt people. As they mature they will understand the selfish childish actions of their dad had nothing to do with them and is all on him.

She needs to use a process server because having someone she knows (or someone who knows someone she knows) could be considered making contact with him. It's worth the extra money to make sure she is covered legally.

She needs to use a process server because having someone she knows (or someone who knows someone she knows) could be considered making contact with him. It's worth the extra money to make sure she is covered legally.

Yes exactly.

I am heading out to drop off the package to the process server now.

Finally home.

Handing over the papers to thr processor gives this feeling of finality. My marriage really IS ending.

Anyways, got a call from a mediator who said stxwh contacted them and they wanted to know if I was interested.

I said no!

He should be served tomorrow. Then he can go through a lawyer.

I wonder if the mediator is from his lawyers office.

Mediation only works when both parties want it to. I don't think your stbxwh is mature enough to have successful mediation.

This was a mediation service. Separate from a lawyer. I assume becauze he wants a cheaper way to go than hiring another laywer.

I've already submitted my paperwork to court, already arranged to have him served. Mediation can happen later once I'm getting support and custody is in place by a court order.

I still don't know how the criminal proceedings will affect family court and I need to find that out.

It seems alot more complicated right now.

I think you made the right choice. You guys can always get a mediator if that's what you feel is right. In the meantime, follow your intuition.