SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Heart, I am already seeing this. How he can blame me for something I didn't even know I did, and not talk to him about it? And he didn't bring it up with me because he didn't know how deeply it impacted him yet I was supposed to know? I am a very rational person so this is so difficult for me to deal with because none of it makes any sense.

Barcher, I may have seen a narc collapse on DDay. He seemed to be losing it - having a nervous breakdown - totally losing control. I had never seen WH like that before and since I am an empathetic person I tried to help him through it. Of course, this was DDay before disclosure. He was losing it because his AP said her husband found out and she thought he might tell me, so of course WH thought he had to be the one to tell me so it seems like he wanted to do the right thing and come clean, yet he had never planned on telling me. Hence the breakdown. I have not said anything about legal matters to him - not even that he has 30 days to answer the summons so he should get an attorney. No input at all. Just taking care of my part. I am very concerned about how this will affect my son and how WH will use him. My son seems aware and he is smart so hopefully he knows the deal (on a separate topic that has nothing to do with the D or my relationship with WH, my son accused him of gaslighting him - don't even know where he learned the term).

I know I am in for a difficult time, especially since WH seems to be in denial at this point and when that passes my life will be hell. He thinks I will wake up and realize what I'm losing. What he doesn't understand is I already realize what I've been living with and every day he affirms I am making the right decision based upon his words and actions.

Thanks all for your support and advice. I'm hoping to get some peace sooner rather than later but I know I have to be patient.

What he doesn't understand is I already realize what I've been living with and every day he affirms I am making the right decision based upon his words and actions.

Exactly my xWS NPD still proves it a year after separation. I am happy to be free of him. You are making the best decision for YOU BetterTimesAhead. Also mine still blames me "for leaving and breaking up the family" like his actions didn't precede that the nerve.

Yes Crazy, I agree with you. He will probably point out - more than once and to whoever will listen - that I am the one who gave up. I broke up the family not him. He always tends to leave out what he's done when talking to friends and family about it, so they don't have the full picture. Maybe they would give him different advice if they knew everything.

Barcher, I may have seen a narc collapse on DDay.

I agree based on your description that you probably have seen it.

To repeat, be careful going forward. Narcs have a way of escalating situations that are somewhat predictable... accusations of sexual abuse of kids and of domestic violence are common. Remember, they must be the victim or the hero...

Be especially careful with your son. It'll help that he is smart, but even smart people can be manipulated. The best advice that I can give you is to never be critical of your ex to (or in front of) your son.

Thank you for the advice Barcher. WH has already tried insinuating since things prior to me filing for D so I can only imagine how it will escalate. I really do not talk about WH at all with my son and don't get involved in their conversations. I really try to be cognizant of what I say and who is around. But this is no way to live. Truly exhausting in every way.