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I've been divorced from my XWW for almost seven years. In all, we had a mature divorce, but I haven't had contact with her in about six years. She proceeded at some point to marry her AP, whom I have still never met.

I've remained very close friends with a relative of my XWW as they are not a blood relative of hers and we were close friends for years prior to the divorce. This person made it clear that our friendship was just as important to them and the divorce would not interfere, which has remained true to this day.

I was invited to my friends kids graduation party, who refers to me as "uncle" since I've known him since he was a wee lad. I know my XXW and her AP will be there, so part of me wants to decline the invitation. Honestly, I don't want to meet my XWW's AP. I have since moved on with my life and have a wife and kid, but I just have no desire to meet the person who is part responsible for years of emotional and psychological pain. I'm not afraid of conflict, but I just don't want that to be the time/place where I meet him for the first time, if ever. I think my friend might understand, but I'm just torn.

Thoughts?

[This message edited by ScarredGuy at 7:51 PM, Thursday, December 21st]

your friend will understand.

Seems like a risk/reward situation you need to weigh for yourself. Is the benefit of attending this gathering worth the risk of the emotional turmoil it might cause? If you still (very understandably) have anxiety around this person, I say listen to your gut and don’t risk throwing your inner balance off for who knows how long. Just my two cents.

A few thoughts?

After seven years - I would think you would have mentally relegated your ex to same place you put the milk delivery and postman guys. (or girls?)

NO? then you have work to do on yourself

I would say you should inventory yourself - self opinion(s)/career/hobbies/family/general social situation. Sub-conscientiously maybe you are worried you may not "measure up" to AP appearance or other attributes?
No matter how good or bad you are in life, there will always be another somewhere either worse or better. Just life as it is -

I also wonder if you don't realize you "lost" something which, further in life, you realize you are better off no longer attached. If she had divorced you first, that would have been better. But "XWW" - that is an item for which you are much better off without.

IF you consider attending the get-together - maybe you could ask for friend to let you know, if possible, when XWW will be present and you can go before or after and at least make a cameo appearance.

No go? Then ask if friend maybe would have you over for a visit some other time?

I think I'd let my friend know that I can't be there, but would love to celebrate the graduate another day. I can't imagine having to socialize with the happy couple. *shudder*

Who says you have to socialize with them? Why can you not just ignore them and, instead, just focus on your friend`s son and his big day?

SG,

Know your enemy so go.

I went to see OM1 after 25 years or so and it's nice to know what he looks like now.

More data is better data.

Who says you have to socialize with them? Why can you not just ignore them and, instead, just focus on your friend`s son and his big day?

I used the word "socialize" loosely, assuming that it would be a smallish family party and thus harder to keep one’s distance. I wouldn’t want to be in close quarters with them, but that’s just me.

We attend a company party with the AP every couple of years and I get torqued up every time. And that’s with hundreds of other people as a buffer. I can’t imagine being in a more intimate setting where I’d hear her voice or laugh. That’s a big nope from me.

I commend those who can handle it.

I would go and showed them that I survived. You have A woman who loves you ad I hope you love. OM has a cheater. No need to hide.