SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello

As I’m sure many of you are aware of my situation and I’m back for some advice.

It’s been nearly 27 months post D-Day and things are OK. A big emphasis on "OK"

Things feel strange.. I really can’t explain it… Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes things can be ok for a few weeks and then it sort of goes flat again. This is from my side. She seems to try to deal with the ups and downs as goos as she can.

I am aware of the Plain of Lethal Flatness, but I have been there before and it feels different to that

The reason for me posting was to see if anyone else felt or feels like I do right now? Does it pass? I know everyone is different but I feel sort of stuck right now. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want here to leave me. But I feel like I'm stuck. No matter which way I turn I feel stuck. I still find it extremely difficult trying to move past what happened. But it feels like I’m in a depressive state at the moment.

After just over two years I feel deflated and possibly bored. I really don’t want to use the word bored. But I keep thinking maybe that’s what it is, I’m bored…..

I love my wife. But in some ways I can’t get past what happened. I try so hard. She continues to try. She has said we will get there and we will get through this. But I wake up some days and I feel flat. My security has gone. But by the time the evening comes I’m tired. It feels like the night is better than the day. I feel paranoia too… Mostly in the day when I’m away from her.

My question is… Is this normal. Did you feel this way and if so, for how long? When does it go away. It’s the depression and the paranoia that is hard. I just want to feel secure.

I am still very early on in my journey. But everyone seems to agree on the 3-5 years for healing process. So that is kind of where my mindset it. Being hurt after 2 years sounds normal.

How is your day to day with your wife? Are the layers of the relationship good (i.e. communication, intimacy, support, and appreciation)? Do you both go on dates?

Going on dates and trying new things together has really helped me in the last few weeks. Before that I was feeling off with the relationship like you were describing, and that allowed my brain to focus/loop on the affair and all the emotions that comes on it.

[This message edited by Tav3n at 4:21 PM, Wednesday, August 9th]

p12241342,

Does your WW continue to act the way she acted during or before the affair?

By that I mean things like focusing on others in social situations and ignoring you, or talking with men who are clearly kind of slimy and not being aware of it. Two things my WW does btw since she is a people pleaser.

I'm not sure the security ever comes back for decades it was always in the back of my mind that I could come home from work and my WW could sit me down and give me the conversation.

Hi P
I’m around 2 years out and I can relate. In my case I feel like I’ve had all these ups and downs and the adrenaline rushes that came after dday with TT and other realizations (that were not affair related but rather just how poorly I was treated for years and just accepted and made excuses for it). The rush went on for a long time after dday and now that I’m through that, it is kind of boring.

Here we are settling back into life. Talk is not revolving around affair discussion 24/7. It still comes up regularly, there is still work going on, but it just doesn’t have the front and center that it did, even 6 months ago. I look back and realize how much life got neglected in the year + after dday. The affair and any related self-work WH was doing was always the main focus of everything for so long. But I feel like it had to be.

Even though it hasn’t been perfect WH attempt at fixing things/himself seems to be genuine. So dare I start to feel comfortable or less on-guard. No! I won’t let myself. So now I find myself picking fights about APand affair, doing some pain shopping, occasional digging with nothing to find. And none of it brings the same punch (negative excitement, adrenaline) that it brought previously…I guess because I’ve been down that road, what feels like a million times now.

I don’t know what it means. I still feel sad and think of affair all the time, sometimes feel numb, sometimes happy. I still want to be here with him. We do enjoy each other.

I haven’t done much work on myself. I think I should but am still stuck on that point. Have you focused much on your own healing?

Best wishes as you continue to navigate.