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My sisters and I have stopped speaking. They are doing some very, very bad things to me legally to get an inheritance out of an elderly relative.

They have lied to police and adult protective services, not to mention family and family friends.

I was talking to someone about this the other day and mentioned sister's husband was a strip club manager in the 1990s. They were FLABBERGASTED. She is a student of women's studies and well read and told me strip club managers especially several decades ago were not nice people and there was a lot of bad stuff that went on.

She was surprised I would have my kids around him. (He was a manager for 4 yrs and had always told me he took that job because he couldn't find anything else. He had a high school diploma and had recently been discharged after about 4 years in the Amy in Intelligence. )

Is my friend correct? Were managers bad guys/ engaged in some troublesome stuff? Especially in the 1990s?

Im wondering if he IS a bad dude (and this is circumstantial proof) and perhaps he is involved in my sisters lying to police and other law enforcement regarding me?

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:18 PM, Friday, November 18th]

IMHO the adult entertainment industry is in it’s very core an immoral business.
I’m no prude, but my experience in law enforcement didn’t really make me believe in the "happy hooker" theory, where the girls were "talents" simply doing this while they waited for their big break. Although not an automatic connection between stripping and prostitution the two were… well… let’s just say very close relatives. None of the girls I talked to claimed to have dreamt of becoming a stirpper at 14 and worked hard to enter the business. None of those that started off stripping but were in prostitution too stated that it had always been their career plan.

The clubs? Few if any were 100% legit. At the very least there would be dodgy accounting, more typically money laundering, drink-substituting or diluting and whatever.

The managers? Generally they were "nice" to the girls. They didn’t force themselves on them, pimp them or beat them. But they did view them as product. They knew that they would get 3-6 months out of them before they had to switch or before they sunk deeper into addiction or found it easier to sell their bodies rather than dance.

I don’t think there has been any change in this attitude since the 90’s.
Doesn’t make your BIL a bad person, but he did work for 4 years in a bad industry. It could reflect his views towards women and possibly a more lenient stance on right and wrong.

I mean, we all need to make a living.

Just because I wouldn't do something doesn't mean others should or shouldn't.

I do things others can't/won't do. I had breast cancer last year. Full complement of treatment: chemo, radiation, and lumpectomy.

I took work meetings while chemo was being pumped/dripped into my body. Most people dealing with cancer do not work a full time job, a part time job, go to grad school part time, and still show up for their kids. In other words, they don't continue on as if *nothing* is happening.

But, it's what I had to do. I'm pretty sure it's not what all cancer patients *should* do.

I'm wired that I can't make money off exploiting others, or contributing to other's addictions. That doesn't mean that others can't or shouldn't.

I also know folks are individuals. Broad sweeping generalizations serve no purpose.

Honestly, you've posted here several times about how awful your family has treated you and your children. Regardless of your BIL's career or job, I can not see why you would want yourself or your children anywhere near any of them.

Have you asked yourself What more info you need to make the decision to cut them entirely out of your life? They seem like an energy drain.

I think you will find people that behave horribly in every profession.

Somebody that worked for an organization promoting family and Christian values was on Ashley Madison and caught with child porn. Priests, coaches and physicians have done horrible, unspeakable things.

That being said, if this person makes you uncomfortable or treats you poorly than cut them out of your life. It seems like you've already done that.

I'm so sorry your sisters are causing more drama and problems in your life.

Doesn’t make your BIL a bad person, but he did work for 4 years in a bad industry. It could reflect his views towards women and possibly a more lenient stance on right and wrong.

Thats the kicker. Relative with money is a genius. Literally. Made her fortune through smarts and hard work. Wants to help the grandkids now. Spoil them with stuff like educational travel. I am niave and have a real issue thinking everyone has pure intentions like me. When he said he had been a strip club manager, I am sure he saw some shock on my face, and said, "I had to do it, I had to have a job" 20 year old me took it at that.

He also met my sister through her friend. She had a friend who was a dancer. She had a history with hard drugs. This woman had dated BIL and said, you're not right for me but let me hook you up with my friend....

RED FLAG !!! This guy was working around drugs, strippers, etc?!? Twenty year old gotta what were you thinking!

I believe BIL is a huge misogynist and believes he as a man is entitled to an inheritance from the relative. Someone actually told me this- he and wife are upset the relative is helping one of my kids do educational travel "Because its BIL and Sister's inheritance"

I can not see why you would want yourself or your children anywhere near any of them.

They will NEVER see me or my children again. Or speak to them. Perhaps in court if absolutely necessary. But I would never put myself in a position to be so horribly abused by them again. They are AWFUL and NOT TO BE TRUSTED. Both sisters and my BIL. They have lied to law enforcement and deceived courts. BOLD lies.

I guess i started this post to check my feelings that woah, he was a strip club manager that is um... not a really nice guy's job right? Jimmy Stewart would never manage a strip club. Mr Rogers. No, right?

Personally, I have a hard time judging someone for a legal job they had over 20yrs ago. It reminds me of people who get raked over the coals for a joke they told 10, 15, 20 yrs ago that was perfectly acceptable then. It's in the past and just because they found it funny then does not mean they possibly do now. Your BIL took a job back then that he might not take now.

You know him, had a relationship with him, obviously didn't mind having your kids around him. Why does someone else's opinion matter when they don't even know him? Especially since it seems as if you never had any issues with him before. Just something to think about.

Now, could he be involved with the lies your sister and family are spreading? Yes, absolutely. Could he not be involved? Also, yes. Regardless, I'm glad that you have cut your family out of your life. They treated you and your children horribly and you all deserve better than that!

[This message edited by BeingNaive at 9:42 PM, Monday, November 21st]

No... there were issues with him before. He lives so far away they were swept under the rug. But my mom would tolerate him for my sister's sake.

It’s possible that he married your sister bc this inheritance was in her future.