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I posted a few years ago and you guys helped me and I really appreciate it! I’m not sure if this is the right forum to post this but here goes! Any advice would be appreciated

I’m 29m spouse is 30f no kids
A little back story I’ve been married 6 years been together 8 on year 2 into marriage my wife cheated on me a whole year without me noticing. It broke me down I didn’t know if I would come out okay but with therapy both of us and forgiveness I eventually managed to forgive her. We moved several times for her job which affected my work and my income and moving was good because the ap parter was a coworker and we got a chance to start fresh Two years ago go by fast forward A few months ago she complained that I didn’t do things I use to do for example run bubble baths buy her flowers often things like that ( we go official dates once a week at least normally more) I acknowledge that and I started buying more flowers. Last night she wanted me to go to her job to pick up something I said I’m not going because being there makes me feel uncomfortable and gives me anxiety and she’s like why I’m like I don’t know she proceeds to say that when I ask her to explain how she feels she try’s her best and I agree. And I’m telling her that me being at her job give me anxiety and makes me feel uncomfortable and she’s like why and I repeatedly say that I don’t know why I can’t put it in words but I’m entitled to my feelings she keeps asking and i get frustrated but don’t yell. Or curse and she calls me AH and says instead of leaving Friday she’s leaving now it’s about 5pm ( the drive is 11hours and she worked today) I helped. Her move her stuff to her car ( this is important because. Our house is basically empty because we moved almost everything a few weeks prior because we’re moving back home and I would follow when I get a transfer for my job. She grabs the last suitcase and throws her ring on the ground . I pick it go to her car like what’s up she says shes leaving me because I’m not "infatuated"with her the same and I don’t love her the same because I would never let her go in the past. I told her I love her the same and this is no reason to leave the marriage but I can’t control you. She said that. I don’t love her the same because I helped her move her stuff after she said she was leaving that. Was a big f-u and that’s the worst I ever hurt her feelings. I told her I thought she was just going to a hotel because it’s insane to drive 11hours after just working in. She’s been ignoring my calls and texts I have no idea where she is

On a side note I believe. I Don’t like going to her place of work because the affair it was traumatic for me . I always thought her coworkers were laughing at me because of the affair it’s a different location but same company. I realized this now after talking to a friend who’s a therapist

When she left she said I can do with the apartment what I want two months left on the lease essentially my pay has significantly decreased due to moving jobs so she could chase her career she got promoted just from a financial standpoint she’s kind of leaving me while I’m at my lowest and it doesn’t sit well. I actually wanted to work it out because I don’t think her response is worth divorcing for it seems extreme It seems her point is she said she was driving back home and I loaded her stuff so that’s saying I don’t care about her. I honestly think she’s trying to build a fake case but I don’t think she’s cheating

I agree that it seems like she is trying to manufacture a reason for her to leave you. Maybe she thinks she should no longer have to face the consequences of her affair in any way, or maybe there is another affair in progress. I am sorry you have to deal with her selfishness yet again. Hire a good lawyer. Maybe you will get alimony. In any case you are probably better off without her.

The affair was a few years ago and I have moved on from that I just thought I’d post to give a back story on what we been through it’s just really weird. I personally don’t think you not having the feeling I’m "infatuated" with you or love you the same anymore is grounds for divorce if you feel like that’s some trauma or something she has to workout not me

A few months ago she complained that I didn’t do things I use to do for example run bubble baths buy her flowers often things like that ( we go official dates once a week at least normally more) I acknowledge that and I started buying more flowers.

...she says shes leaving me because I’m not "infatuated"with her the same and I don’t love her the same because I would never let her go in the past.

She sounds terribly entitled. Sure, the flowers and bubble baths thing could be viewed as a request for more romance, but when we add in the "not infatuated" with her stuff, it sounds immature and self-involved. You guys have been together for eight years. That's not rational. Also, I'm inclined to think that if you "not loving her the same" was a real issue, it wouldn't have come as a surprise to you. It's something that you would've been talking about since dday. If it's coming at you out of left field, chances are it's a bogus rationalization to justify the way she's cleaned you out and left you.

I'm inclined to agree that you should see an attorney, get your stuff back, and get some alimony until you're on your feet. Depending on your circumstances, sometimes the court will order support while you get further education and/or job training. Your WW put you through a lot already, and you did your best toward R, but you can't really reconcile with a person who won't grow up and be an adult. It really does take two. Tossing your ring on the floor and declaring that you're "not infatuated" enough isn't adulting. It's reckless and juvenile; something a teenager might do. Unfortunately, some people never do grow up.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:44 PM, Thursday, May 19th]

Yep, Time to call a lawyer. Ask for financial assistance to help you regain the ground you lost helping her.

Her "reasons" sound like bullshit. She’s either very immature, very entitled, cheating again, or any combination of those.

Please put you first now and get your life separated from her.

You deserve better.