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WGF and I are agreed on a 50/50 child care situation and will take care of any bills within our own individual homes

What is less clear are those bills that are neither her nor mine.

For example

She will keep our pets (I can’t take them) so will need to pay 50% of their upkeep

Kids clothes, hobbies, costs etc

Kids school friends birthday presents

How do you all manage the money that goes back and forth between you? We are agreed on 50/50 for all these things but how does that work in principle?

We currently have a joint account which we plan to close but would be ideal for keeping a “float” for these kind of situations however that leaves us financially linked and a credit risk.

We could send money back and forth each time one of us takes care of one of these situations but that sounds laborious

Eg

WGF “I’ve just bought DD a pen for school, it cost $1.20, can you send me 60 cents please”

What do you guys do?

TD

Are either of you going to pay child support? If so, that does factor into things.

What I used to do was to keep receipts for shared expenses and send scanned copies of said receipts to my ex for reimbursement (whether he would reimburse me or not was a different story).

I did not expect reimbursement for things like clothing purchases, as I did receive child support when the children were minors. You may determine that it is easier for each of you to purchase clothing for the children to keep at your residence.

Big shopping, like back to school, could be shared as outlined above. The little things (unless they become big things or one person is always paying for things) could be as they happen.

I would err on the side of caution and put in some very good rules and be very specific and detailed because you never know when the amicability will go out the window. I hope for your sake it does not, but it happens and you need to be prepared and protected.

Cat

They are her pets now. Pets have an upkeep cost. You don't have to pay half the upkeep and get none of the pet companionship.

Sending money is pretty easy on apps.

You'll just have to have an open discussion on things like gifts, and reach an agreement on what's reasonable.

These are decisions you make now, in writing.

Don't sweat the small stuff, but keep records. For the bigger stuff, someone pays and the other reimburses. I would also think that some prior agreement should be made on those. Keeps the misunderstanding to a minimum for when one spouse thinks junior needs another the latest and greatest iphone every year of that the need to go to a boarding school or something.

I just had a sit down with my STBXWH about how to split finances up. We wrote everything down, but focused on bigger ticket items. Our kids are older (19 and 22, but both in college and we help with their expenses through college). There is no child support nor am I asking for alimony (he makes 2x more than me). He gave the list to his attorney who will write it up and send to my attorney.

We decided what "bills" we would take care of, such as I will cover car insurance for both kids, and then he will continue to cover health insurance for both kids. We will each pay 50/50 for out of pocket insurance costs.

I think if you are paying child support, some of those incidentals such as clothing, shoes, food, school supplies are part of that. I wouldn't be getting into the nit picky stuff of a purchase of a 1.20 pen split in half. Maybe decide a dollar amount of when things will get split evenly, such as $10 or $20 or even $50.

I would use venmo or something similar for incidentals when you need to share an expense.

I wouldn't split up costs of the pet either, she has them and they are in her possession. We have an older dog (15) who is not with me. I am not going to pay her food costs, but when she was due for a vet visit (yearly shots), I took her to vet and paid it and didn't expect him to pay me half.

I commend you on continuing to contribute to pet costs. My XH left me with 3 dogs and 1 cat. He moved 5 hours away to a condo that (he said)/did not allow pets (a lie BTW). I have had over 6000 in vet bills alone since he left. Pets are a commitment and should be treated accordingly. I hopr that you are at least able to visit them in neutral territory.

[This message edited by marchmadness at 6:02 AM, July 2nd (Friday)]

I used to work with a guy who truly had the most amicable divorce I'd ever seen. They had two children and instead of either of them paying child support or having to deal with monthly reimbursements, they decided to each take financial responsibility for one child. On insurance, she covered the daughter and he covered the son. They even bought houses within blocks of each other to make it easier to transport the kids as needed.

I used to work with a guy who truly had the most amicable divorce I'd ever seen. They had two children and instead of either of them paying child support or having to deal with monthly reimbursements, they decided to each take financial responsibility for one child. On insurance, she covered the daughter and he covered the son. They even bought houses within blocks of each other to make it easier to transport the kids as needed.

I've heard of these unicorns, but have never seen one in the wild.

I used to work with a guy who truly had the most amicable divorce I'd ever seen. They had two children and instead of either of them paying child support or having to deal with monthly reimbursements, they decided to each take financial responsibility for one child. On insurance, she covered the daughter and he covered the son. They even bought houses within blocks of each other to make it easier to transport the kids as needed.

This could really backfire. I have 1 kid that ended up with WAY more costs than the other. Ended up on monthly meds, has broken his arm and elbow. Other kid - nada.

When my xWW and I were doing in-house separation, we had an agreement... all "essential" costs (food, mortgage, utilities, kid-clothes, etc) were shared and required receipts. All non-essential kid-costs needed to be pre-approved if they were to be shared.

So, honestly, it was something similar to this:

WGF “I’ve just bought DD a pen for school, it cost $1.20, can you send me 60 cents please”

We kept our receipts and then reconciled expenses at the end of the month.

This was annoying, but then again... she bought a $1500 computer for herself, which triggered all of this.

Similarly, my xWW routinely slipped "gotchas" in with her receipts. No, I am not paying for the oil change on your car...

TD,

Just checking in on you. You moved into your new home almost two weeks ago. Have you decided to limit contact with you XWWGF to minimize/eliminate the pull of the strong emotional connection you have with her, or are you still spending time with her cooking, watching movies and on and on? Hoping for the best for you.

I've heard of these unicorns, but have never seen one in the wild.

I appear to have one of these unicorns. We havnt had a single disagreement about separation finances so far. Even though I earn more she is willing and is paying 50% of everything including anything I have had to purchase for my new house

Ie I leave the fridge in her house (our old house) she pays 50% of the cost of a fridge for my new house, no arguments no hesitation, in fact it’s almost forthcoming. Rinse and repeat for beds, sofas, TVs etc etc.

As I mentioned before, with respect to taking responsibility for our separation I could not have asked for anything more from her.

Such a shame she couldn’t have taken this attitude within R and take responsibility for driving the R bus.