I feel like I may be suffering from PTSD.
What have you done for yourself to help yourself heal? PTSD is very real after infidelity, and it takes time to heal yourself, and often therapy is beneficial, without proper healing we cannot move forward into healthy relationships with proper boundaries.
She is still friends with what appears to be a very needy ex
But, every text and every phone call she gets, triggers me, and makes me feel like there’s something I don’t know
Does she know this? What has that discussion looked like?
What is her deal, why does she need all this attention and stroking? (What you describe is not normal behavior for a person who just enjoys helping others)
Am I so damaged that I’ll never fully trust her, or anyone? Am I always going to be suspicious?
No not if you heal yourself properly. You will learn to trust yourself, your instincts, and you will also learn to set boundaries, and expectations in your relationships, be it with a partner, or even a boss.
Regardless of the path we choose R or D as a BS we are scared, and there is one metric shit ton of crap to wade through to heal ourselves. Until we do that we simply are putting ourselves in line to be hurt, abused, manipulated, and treated less than again and again.
One thing I have often told members here over the years is this. Take time to have a revenge affair, with the one person in your life that will always have your back. YOURSELF. Be kind to you, love you, do what you want, and only what you want, as long as it is healthy for you. Grieve what you lost, and heal yourself while making you the number one priority. Without others in your life. It is seriously the MOST important thing we need to do in moving forward in healing ourselves.
Then we learn we can ask for whatever we want in a relationship, and if that partner is unwilling, we are ok to walk away. We know what we want, what we need, and how to be happy. That is the key to true happiness.