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The Book Club :
You, Him, and the Other Woman

Topic is Sleeping.
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 LumpyLola (original poster member #44330) posted at 12:39 AM on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

"You, Him and the Other Woman: Break the Love Triangle and Reclaim Your Marriage, Your Love, and Your Life" by Paul Coleman.

This book, so unlike most of the other after-the-affair books written for infidelity survivors, uses a different slant. It also warns up front, that due to the predominance of men cheating on women, this book was written primarily for female victims of infidelity.

Halfway through this book, I was thoroughly impressed by the way the author - a psychologist - showed the reader different techniques to process the debilitating information and mind-chatter following their partners' affair. You can imagine my shock when I turned to the back pages of the book to learn about the author and who she was - to find out that "she" was a HE! A man wrote this book (and may other equally helpful titles) with such sensitivity and insight that I was certain that it had to be written by a woman! Good job, sir!

Dr. Coleman really has a grip on the feelings and trauma that follow an affair, and gives good advice on how to handle it. It really stood out from all the other books out there on the topic.

I got mine from the library, but I was so impressed that I went out and bought my own copy so that I could mark-up key elements for future reference.

posts: 189   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 6984703
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 2:34 PM on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

what makes it so different/better than other books?

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6985111
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 LumpyLola (original poster member #44330) posted at 10:48 PM on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

It's the approach this psychologist takes when dealing with the traumatic thoughts we all have in the aftermath of the A.

Of the many the books I've read so far (including those by some very respected psychologists), this book really turned things around for me and allowed me to view things differently. I felt better about a number of issues that previously bothered me a lot.

Of course, it unltimately boils down to personal preference, which is why I suggested taking it out of the library first instead of buying yet another infidelity book. But for me, personally, after reading most of the slosh out there, I found this book to stand out amongst most of the others.

[This message edited by LumpyLola at 4:54 PM, October 22nd (Wednesday)]

posts: 189   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 6985654
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h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 5:31 AM on Friday, October 24th, 2014

What statistics do they cite to justify the "predominance of men cheating on women" claim?

posts: 3136   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: Baja Arizona
id 6987281
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WorkInProg83 ( member #50112) posted at 2:46 PM on Thursday, November 12th, 2015

I just read this and found it very helpful.

Me (BS) - 32
Husband (WH) - 33
Son - 3yrs old
Married 9yrs - together 11
Divorced - 5/11/16

posts: 220   ·   registered: Oct. 28th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 7394761
Topic is Sleeping.
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