I think you're confusing what you want your WS to do with your boundaries.
Your best bet is to ask for what you want and to be honest with yourself and your WS when they ask for or suggest something. That's about what you want your WS to do.
BTW, it's crucial for you to be honest - say 'yes' is you want to; say 'no' if you want to.
You set boundaries around what you will and will not accept. Your boundary is about what you will do in response to what your WS does.
Couples ask a lot of each other. Sometime they say 'no'. I've always thought that too many 'noes' means the couple is not a good fit. If one partner asks something unacceptable to the other and woin't take 'no' for an answer, the couple may not be a good fit for each other.
Similarly, if my W betrays me again, I'm likely to D. If my W ever lies to me in the future, that's a red flag that will require action.
But the fact is: we can't control other people; they can and will do what they want to do. But each of us can set our boundaries, all other things being equal, and one can do what one wants to do in response to others.
My W was free to refuse to meet any of my requirements for R, but she couldn't refuse AND stay married to me. That would have crossed my boundaries.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:19 PM, Thursday, September 28th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.