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Newest Member: M0771

Reconciliation :
Nightmares

Topic is Sleeping.
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 DeidreE (original poster new member #83912) posted at 4:29 AM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Do you have crazy dreams? I just had a dream that my H and kids were tied up by a home invasion.
I lost them all.
I feel like this is stress induced.
I am so exhausted.
I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow.
I wish I could sleep. What is wrong with me?

I'm gonna put him in his place
With charm and grace
Elegance and style. -The Films

posts: 8   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2023   ·   location: Maryland
id 8809414
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:33 AM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

It is a symptom of PTSD, and it's fairly common after infidelity.

I had nightmares for years. No small children, but XWH and AP were trying to kill me in all of them.

My anxiety meds helped but didn't completely get rid of them.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3541   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8809422
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HellIsNotHalfFull ( member #83534) posted at 12:23 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I don’t mean this as an attack or criticism, you’re not at fault at all, but What’s wrong with you is you married a serial cheater. At least according to your profile. He lied to you, pretending to be someone he isn’t, all the while engaging in multiple affairs. You should get tested if you haven’t already.

But what you are going through, it’s very normal. Nightmares, unable to sleep, racing thoughts, rumination’s, it’s all the gift of PTSD.

Me mid 40s BH
Her mid 40s WW
1 year EA/PA

"Just" a friend.in R, getting by

posts: 460   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2023   ·   location: U.S.
id 8809431
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Saltishealing ( member #82817) posted at 12:36 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I have had nightmares off and on since d day 19 months ago. It is usually about losing a close family member, child, or one of my precious animals in some awful way. I definitely have symptoms of ptsd from his affair and the amount of trickle truth. I sleep fairly well now but the nightmares are upsetting at times. I am sorry you are going through this. Reading others responses it seems fairly common.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2023
id 8809433
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AintDatSpecial ( member #83560) posted at 12:50 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I’ve been having pretty bad dreams since D-day. A recurring one is where I’m walking around in bad neighborhoods in the dark. I’m alone, lost, confused, sad, and scared. I don’t know where I’m going or why. I see shadowy figures that frighten me. It’s really the path I’m on with life right now.

Me- BW/ Him- WH, both early 40s/ D-day June 2023/ working on healing me

posts: 58   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2023   ·   location: United States
id 8809434
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MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 4:11 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Three years of lucid nightmares and going strong. I guess this shows the severity of the impact of all this

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8809452
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Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 4:30 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

This was my new normal after DDay. Sometimes, I'd wake myself up screaming. I'd jolt myself awake. Twitch in my sleep. It is a normal response to trauma. Over the past few years they have dissipated quite a lot. But, if I'm faced with a larger trigger....they'll start again.

There is nothing wrong with you. Something wrong happened TO you....and your brain and body are processing that. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Some of the best advice I received here was to treat myself with the grace, gentleness, and kindness that you would your best friend going through a major life trauma. I promise it will get better, but it will take time.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 473   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8809456
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 6:01 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I had a dream right after DDay that my sweet dog had my hand in his mouth and was slowly biting down harder and harder. I could FEEL his teeth. It was really vivid.

Like Ladybug said, there's nothing wrong with you. This is normal after such a shock. Ask your doc for something to help you sleep.

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 6:02 PM, Tuesday, September 26th]

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1327   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8809462
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:08 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Yes the nightmares are a symptom of PTSD unfortunately sad

After D-Day I kept having nightmares of xWS and a number of his OW or any woman in particular.

Since leaving and divorcing I have nightmares I am back with him and wondering why I am there and can't get away from him quick enough.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 7:20 PM, Tuesday, September 26th]

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8827   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8809470
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Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 8:09 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I’ve recently had nightmares, but what troubles me most is that in these nightmares, I’m the bad guy.

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 346   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8809475
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 DeidreE (original poster new member #83912) posted at 9:11 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Thank you for all of the responses. I guess sadly I am not alone.
I talked to my therapist today about how much being here is helping.

I'm gonna put him in his place
With charm and grace
Elegance and style. -The Films

posts: 8   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2023   ·   location: Maryland
id 8809482
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:29 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I had a dream one month before dday1. In my dream I learned that my H was going to ask for a D on a very specific date.

I woke up and knew something was off.

But everything appeared fine. I kept the info and the dream to myself.

Until the exact date in my dream and he told me he was D me.

True story.

This has happened to me my whole life. I dream stuff and it comes true.

Dreams represent so many things. Who knows what it all means.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13966   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8809507
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survrus ( member #67698) posted at 1:30 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

All of these nightmares have a bit of truth in that they actually come true in real affairs.

Affair partners.....sometimes...

Conspire to kill their spouse/s , rare but I think they more often fantasize about their spouses conveniently dropping dead.

Home invasion how much better of an allegory can you get.

Making the BS out to be in the wrong, cheater handbook.

My nightmares are not like this, mine are more like

I'm at a dinner and my W is next to OM and OM family and she tells me it's ok I'll have to accept it.

My W tells me she is married to a Turkish guy and she tells me she will be coming back to me, in the dream I thinking about how to kill the guy.

These kinds of dreams do put you in an altered state for some time after you wake up.

posts: 1490   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2018   ·   location: USA
id 8809521
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Copingmybest ( member #78962) posted at 2:05 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

Don’t really sleep so I can’t really dream. I guess that’s a plus in some sort of way.
Ok, I do sleep a little, but probably not long enough to get into deep REM sleep. One day maybe.

posts: 265   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Midwest
id 8809523
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suddenlyisee ( member #32689) posted at 4:40 PM on Monday, October 2nd, 2023

I'm a BS, have never cheated and have excellent boundaries - yet have had this dream a few times recently.
In the dream, I am a cheating spouse, about to confess to a woman that I am somehow in a relationship with that I am married and have been lying to them. I don't know how I ended up in the situation, but I know I am in the wrong. I have a feeling that I have ruined everything for everyone involved - and that I've tricked them both.
I intend to end the relationship and know that I will then immediately will go home to also confess to my wife (my actual wife is always the 'wife'). I know both relationships will end immediately and I will be alone.
There's never anything explicit, and my 'other woman' is never any specific person or type.
It's just me starting a conversation in which I am revealing to someone that I've lied to them - and that I acknowledge that I don't deserve either of them. I say "Look, there's something you need to know..." and I wake up.

Semi-pro BS in R

posts: 493   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2011   ·   location: Michigan
id 8810259
Topic is Sleeping.
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