My 35th anniversary is coming up next week. It's been 19 years since DDay. Over the last few months, our relationship has become happier and more peaceful than it's ever been.
Every night, H and I have the same routine: We hang out in the garage for a bit, talking and watching music videos. We're both insomniacs, so we smoke a little weed to relax for bedtime, which also allows us to really get into topics authentically and intricately. Sometimes we look up conversation-starter questions on Google and see where that takes us. We both really enjoy this, even when the topic turns to infidelity.
During our conversation last night, one of the questions was about whether we thought we were a good spouse. He said that I've always been a good wife and he's never been unhappy with me; that his unhappiness was all his stuff. I said that I always felt like he liked me as a person, but he hasn't always been happy with my actions like how I kept house or how often I wanted sex. About 15 years ago, I got fully fed up with his criticism and told him to lay off, that this is who I am and I'm not changing, so accept it or leave me, but that the shit that caused me to feel less-than was going to stop one way or another. I was DONE with it. He said last night that it was probably the best thing that ever happened to strengthen our relationship. He really likes our more relaxed life now, and I do too.
He recognizes that I've always believed in him, wanted him, and supported him, now and right after DDay, and he tearfully thanked me. He says often that he wouldn't be the man he is today without me. I told him "I was betting on the come" which is something he used to say about me. I've struggled on and off over the years with my life's path and taking action. Now we know that's largely about anxiety and ADHD, thanks to IC and introspection. He's learned a lot in IC, too, and we both understand what makes the other tick so much better now. We're happy and relaxed.
We've been betting on the come for a long time, and we've finally hit the big payout.
He's the commander at a veteran's organization and the officers were fussing at him a bit for not being there enough. One of them said, "I'm worried about you. I know you really need to be social and you haven't been here much. Are you getting that need met?" H told him about our evenings and how he prioritizes that over everything else, which was not the case not that long ago. He made that place the priority for a couple of years, which really hurt us, but his dedication literally saved the place from dying due to Covid and caused it to come back better than ever. Then he prioritized us, which got us to the best place ever, but which leaves the post lacking. I remarked that now it's time to find the balance. We decided that he would stop by there on his way home from work a few days a week and be home by 8:00 or so for our nightly ritual. It's a win/win because he really likes running the post and seeing lots of people, and I really enjoy my alone time. We'll both be getting our needs met without neglecting the other.
I'm looking forward to the next stage of our life. I think we've done the majority of our recovery work, though we're both continuing with IC, and now we get to enjoy the marriage we always believed we'd have. It only took us 35 years to get here!