Topic is Sleeping.
Brokenself (original poster new member #83502) posted at 10:42 PM on Monday, September 25th, 2023
It’s going to be my birthday/Anniversary coming up, I am feeling anxious, I remember when we were still together we agreed to celebrate it by going out of the country. Now looking back my stomach turns into knots because he was just pacifying me, he was already having an affair with his coworker! We got married on my birthday, at the time I thought it was sweet celebrating my birthday and anniversary. Oh if I only knew , I feel so stupid now my birthday will always represent being abandoned. I thought I was doing better but geez I can’t help but wanting to reach out to the AP and his sister, and tell them what he did. I want him to hurt as much as I hurt. I want them to know, what hell he put me through, that his selfish, the lying, cheating with prostitutes but I don’t because I know it’s not going to change anything.
I’m so fearful of the holidays I can’t believe it’s almost been 8 months, we probably communicated via text 2 or 3 times since the separation, he makes it sound like it was my fault! He is living the life he wanted he is living with his AP. He rarely sees the kids when he does, only for lunch, and the kids are okay with that. Their grandma doesn’t even call them to ask how they are doing, I feel like we were forgotten the twenty years together disappeared. I’m sure he told them his side of the story, to make me sound the evil witch. Are they ever going to see what they did! We don’t deserve this.
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 11:42 PM on Monday, September 25th, 2023
The first are always hard, and your birthday and anniversary being on the same day must be especially painful. I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Can you plan something special for your birthday as a good distraction and self-care? Maybe a massage or a spa day, or a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go? Something just for you.
Let the world feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.
Brokenself (original poster new member #83502) posted at 5:41 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023
Thanks sacred soul, I was thinking of going up to the mountains to see the leaves fall color change. I was just having a down day, and I appreciate you, may you continue to let your light shine bright!
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:36 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023
I know it’s a hard thing to face. But I was always worse a day or two before Dday than I was on the actual day. Maybe it will be the same for you too.
Please don’t think your STBXH is living his best life. It’s the outward appearance that has you thinking that way. But you don’t know what is really going on with the AP and your spouse.
There’s distrust / they started as cheaters
He may soon tire of the AP — but may not show outsiders that b/c that would admit he failed and made a mistake.
He has to look at himself in the mirror and tell himself all sorts of lies. But that’s his burden now.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 11:16 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023
I agree, plan a special day (or three!).
Do you have any close friends who can go with you to the mountains to see the foliage, stopping for lunch somewhere to take in the beauty, it will help distract you and be a wonderful day out with a friend or two.
Let us know how the day went, get out and make the best of your birthday for you because you deserve an awesome day.
BallofAnxiety ( member #82853) posted at 5:48 PM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023
Our stories are so similar! My birthday and our anniversary are coming up (not the same day, a few weeks apart) and it's also been about 8 months for me. My STBXH is living with the AP as far as I know and we have only communicated via email a few times. He's never apologized and I feel so angry that he gets to live the life I always wanted - having a live-in partner - while I'm back to being single.
I'm also struggling with it being the almost year anniversary of an amazing trip we took for our 15 year wedding anniversary last year. I had no idea at the time that he'd been having an A for almost a year at that point and now the memories of the trip are forever tainted.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is.
Me: BW. STBXH: ONS 2006; DDay 12/2022 "it was only online," trickle truth until 1/2023 - "it was 1 year+ affair with MCOW." Separated and divorcing.
Topic is Sleeping.