SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If I had a dime for every time I’ve read or heard someone say, "I will never fully trust my spouse again," I’d be rich!!! I fully trusted my H before his infidelity—like, truly full, no-questions-asked trust. And not just him. I trusted people in general without thinking twice.

I have seen many BS’s struggle with this: so many people feel sad that they won’t ever be able to fully trust their spouse again. And while I understand why that feels like a loss, I’ve also come to believe that no one should ever "fully" trust another human being in the first place.

I used to be the person who would say, "My H would never hurt me. I trust him with all my heart, and I never have to worry about him making choices that could affect me." Looking back, I just shake my head at how naive and uneducated I was about human behaviour and relationships. Now, when I hear someone else say those words, a part of me dies inside. I genuinely hope it’s true for them—but I also know there are no guarantees. No one gets that kind of certainty. And no one is exempt because they have the "model" spouse.

Full trust—blind trust—isn’t noble, it’s risky. It sets you up for a level of heartbreak that isn’t survivable without major fallout. It creates this illusion that someone else is responsible for your emotional safety, when at the end of the day, people are human. They’re flawed, they make bad choices, they have weak moments. Believing someone could never hurt you doesn’t protect you. It just blindsides you when they do.

So yes, I will never "fully" trust my H again. I won’t fully trust anyone again. But that doesn’t mean I’m closed off or walking around suspicious of everyone. I do trust him now. And I trust other people in my life. I just don’t hand out that blind, unconditional trust anymore—and honestly, I feel that’s healthier. It’s not bitterness; it’s boundaries. It’s understanding the difference between realistic trust and the kind of trust that leaves you exposed.

I’m no longer sad about that shift. I’m more aware. And I think that’s a better place to be.

"If there was any logic to our language, trust would be a four-letter word."

From "Risky Business"

I've had trust issues for most of my life (foo shit). Like just about every other BS, I'd have never believed my ex-wife could have cheated.

Today, I trust human nature.

I've said parts of your post almost verbatim to my wife. About her and about anyone. Not long ago she told me her friend could keep a secret when I warned her about oversharing. "I KNOW she would keep her word. I KNOW it. I know her."

"Don't be so sure. If there's one thing I learned from you, it's that you never assume you know someone as well as you think you do..."

Yup. 100% blind trust is off the table for me for anyone ever again.

I worked for a D attorney for years in my early 20s. Thought I saw everything.

I was stupidly too - I never had my own $ or an emergency fund or a plan B. The only good news was that I managed our $ and knew where everything was in terms of finances.

I used to think pre-nips were insulting - now, I think they are one of the smartest things people can do to protect themselves.

I have a post nup to protect myself. Even tough it’s been 12 years I hold onto that document just in case.

Because you just never know.

I think saying that you’ll never fully trust again is just another way of saying that your partner broke your heart.

Well, I can trust. Possibly even fully trust, but 100% blind and unquestioning trust is a gamble I think most of us aren't willing to take anymore. I'm pretty sure 100% blind trust hasn't served anyone here well at all.

If I had a dime for every time I’ve read or heard someone say, "I will never fully trust my spouse again," I’d be rich!!!

... hoping this isn't a collection or I will go broke!

Today, I trust human nature.

That sums it up for me. ...and made me laugh.

Prior to dday, I would trust people with the naive belief that they would treat me the same as I would treat them. My word was my bond.

I struggled with this right after dday for quite some time. I trust no one. At first I thought it was just me being cynical after being burned by infidelity. I've forgiven myself for not trusting and that was difficult. My word is still my bond, but now it only has value to me.

Now, I casually go through life believing everyone is full of shit, but if they are cordial, I return that ten fold in how I treat them. I find it comforting that I can still be kind without believing anyone will reciprocate.

I've had trust issues as long as I can remember. My H was the only person other than my dad who I felt truly loved by. I still didn't blindly trust him 100%, even when everyone else said he'd be the last person who would ever cheat. I knew it was possible, even if not probable.

Turned out my H was a weak man. He lied about so much, not just the cheating, because he was afraid of me getting angry at him. Not only did I lose all trust in him, I lost all respect for him. That's been worse in a lot of ways. 11 years later, while I trust that he won't cheat again, I still don't trust him.