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Off Topic :
Rant!!!!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Tanner (original poster guide #72235) posted at 3:38 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

I'm so pissed I can't see strait right now. Our twins are almost 15, we adopted them when they were 8 weeks old. Of course the adoption didn't happen that quick but we had custody / conservatorship until the apdoption was final. Speaking specifically for Texas, when the adoption hearing was ruled on and finalized the Judge sealed the records. We then changed the boys names, SS numbers and TX issued new birth certificates. Their birth certificates say that we are the biological parents and they were born to us on their birth date. No one can come and claim them, they are our biological children according to the State of Texas.

We are in a situation where we've had to enroll our more severe autistic Son in a special school, with the local public school providing the services. They have asked for all types of documentation, shot records, birth certificate and SS card. Today they called and need the adoption paperwork. I pushed back and said What adoption paperwork? They are saying they have to have it to prove we have custody. Legally I can deny that they were ever adopted because there is no evidence of an adoption, it's sealed, the state said they were born to us.

It's not happening, I will never hand it over. We have fought many battles for our boys and this is the hill I die on.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3555   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8808155
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:14 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

If the reissued birth certificate shows you as the parents, how does the school know they are adopted?

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14103   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8808157
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 Tanner (original poster guide #72235) posted at 4:22 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Good question, it probably came up when my W was taking about medical history. We don’t hide the fact they are adopted, but any documentation is off limits

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3555   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8808158
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:55 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Ugh. Glad you are holding your ground and looking out for your kids.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6159   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8808165
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:15 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Can they provide the regulatory guidance that states the birth certificate is not acceptable as a form of whatever they need? A lot of regs define what is not appropriate, and anything else is ok.

Get the Attorney General involved if you need.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3777   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8808168
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 Tanner (original poster guide #72235) posted at 11:45 AM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Get the Attorney General involved if you need.

It won’t go that far. I’m shutting it down ASAP.

We are very proud of their adoption story. We have always celebrated openly that they were adopted.

The actual documents and details are very personal. It lists the names of the previous parents and that is something we will only share with the boys when they are grown.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3555   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8808171
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 6:54 PM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Fellow adoptive parent here… And boy do I understand your anger about this.

In the first place, you ARE the parents.

In the second place, you have paperwork that the state of Texas has certified that they are your natural children and you are their parents.

So if you are seeking services from Texas, then does their own documentation not get excepted by that program prerequisite?

I guess with some special programs helping kids with special needs, some people try to circumvent the requirements and there is probably a good deal of money involved. But you all seem to have every bit of the exact information and proof of what you are saying. I think it must be some rookie clerk or something that’s wanting to check a box beside the list that says… "Adoption papers".

I can’t wait to hear who you speak to and what you say to them about this.

Go get um, Daddy"!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8226   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8808188
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:41 PM on Saturday, September 16th, 2023

^ like

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8808228
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:28 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2023

Get the Attorney General involved if you need

AGREED. What was the reasoning they needed the additional documentation? If they can't give clear legal statute on it I would involve the AG. There are too many boundaries being crossed these days and the schools feel entitled to whatever they want. It's not ok.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20253   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8808277
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 Tanner (original poster guide #72235) posted at 5:33 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2023

The adoption records are protected for a reason. If I give them to someone they are no longer protected or private. Once they are out there you don't have control of what can be done with them. It's like someone saying to prove you are married and the marriage license is not good enough, they need sex pics, it's a violation of privacy and you don't get those back.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3555   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8808287
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:12 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2023

I hope you can resolve this. I would never give any confidential adoption records to anyone.

I would:

Ask them to show you where it states that those records are required;

Ask them to show you the law that states they are entitled to that information given that you provided them with everything they need to show the parent-child info;

Then if they insist on this tell them you will gladly get the ACLU involved (civil rights);

Last resort threaten a lawsuit against the school, school board (personally as well as professional), principal, administration, etc.

Get an attorney if necessary.

I think this stinks. My school district will fight anyone who requests services for the special needs child. More lawsuits than you could count. Ridiculous!!! And supposedly we are the 2nd best school district in my state.

Not in my book.

I hope this helps you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14103   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8808293
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 9:05 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2023

Because of a question my W asked, the way I see it is your local school district is acting as if it's providing service to you, not to your son. But you pay taxes to the SD, and they use that income to provide services to their district's kids.

Parents' pocketbooks benefit if the services cost more than the taxes they pay, but that's the breaks.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this crap. I hope a simple conversation reminding your SD of it's responsibility will clear up their unreasonable demand. In any case, best of luck on getting this resolved quickly and cleanly.

At this point in time, I'd classify any substantive comment about Texas's AG as a violation of the ** NO POLITICS! ** rule.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8808305
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 Tanner (original poster guide #72235) posted at 4:09 PM on Monday, September 18th, 2023

Maybe it was a whole lot of anxiety over nothing. We wrote an email explaining that beyond SS card, birth certificate there is no other documentation necessary to prove his identity.

The response was "ok, we will go with that".

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3555   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8808353
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:49 PM on Monday, September 18th, 2023

Glad it was resolved!!!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14103   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8808376
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Good Lord! Rookie clerks or whatever!

This kind of thing happens to me a lot. I panic, and then it was all for nothing.

But I sure do hope that you were walking with your shoulders back and your head up looking to kick some ass over this whole thing!!!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 10:24 PM, Tuesday, September 26th]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8226   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8809494
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:50 PM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Glad to hear that Tanner!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3644   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8809499
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 12:32 AM on Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

Good news. They have to be able to give a reason as to why you need to produce such forms.
And. F them.
Glad it is resolved.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20253   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8809517
Topic is Sleeping.
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